Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My vagina is officially offended.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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