can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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