I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
