Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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