the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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