i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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