i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
