i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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