Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
