so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
There's even glitter on my cock...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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