the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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