I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
