I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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