I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
