Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Randomize
