i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
