If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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