I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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