You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
should my penis look like a turkey
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
