Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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