I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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