I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
