yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so explain again why im purple
no
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
