naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
