I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize