i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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