I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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