it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
