Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
