I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring