come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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