I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.