I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
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You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.