He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.