White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
