you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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