I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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