a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i think i just lost a toe
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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