As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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