i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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