I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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