Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
