why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
