They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
