i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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