I'm going to jail i love you
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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