it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
