i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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