That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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