I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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