but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
