Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She bit a glass in half.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He shit in the fireplace
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
