Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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