You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
