Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
