Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
