Jerry, you need to find god
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
