Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
