Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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