you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
