She's JV to your varsity
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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