my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
