Screwed.edu
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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