Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
